Remembrance of Joan Mahlen

by Nancy Mahlen and Steve Mahlen

Joan Mahlen passed away peacefully on January 17, 2025, in Fargo, shortly following her 80th birthday.  She had been relatively healthy until November 2024, coping with mild dementia, advanced osteoporosis, and hearing loss that she was pretty much ok with ("who needs crowds – too loud, anyway!" 🤣).  Despite these ailments, she was proudly walking on her own and doing pretty well.  Following a hospital stay in mid-November, however, all of that changed for Joan.  The hospital stay weakened her, and worsening dementia made communication with her difficult and also prevented her from recognizing the need for mobility assistance.  She ultimately fell and hurt her hip, requiring more intensive care.  And following that, it was a slippery slope to end-of-life dementia and pain management.

Joan's most recent stay was in the Bethany Skilled Nursing Home with Ethos Hospice care.  They took excellent care of her and had such beautiful stories to share.  Would you be surprised that she still had smiles and wiggles and a friendly "Hi-hi!" for all the staff just days before she passed?

She left behind a hell of a lot of stuff to us kids who have no idea what to do with most of it.  If anyone is interested in any craft items, paint, a small portable sewing machine, American Doll and Barbie clothes, bins of artwork, and LOTS and LOTS of yarn…  but wait, the best part about all the yarn is that it is regular yarn that's been split, yes, split…we know, we know…maybe for young knitters just getting into the craft?!?

OK, this is not an ad for a yard sale (one of Joan's favorite past-times, by the way), but an obituary for a gentle, sweet, and generous person, mother, aunt, and grandmother.  Joan was born in 1945, and was wonderfully adopted by Walt Bassett and Luella (Lu) Stowell, who lived in the country on a farm near Wilmot, SD.  Joan loved growing up on the farm with her adopted brother, Keith Bassett, with all the outdoor freedoms…but mostly because of all the animals.  She loved her kitties, her sweet bunny, and any other animal she could make wear a bonnet.  Her first school was the one-room schoolhouse in the country where Lu taught; she started at Wilmot Public about 5th grade.  She spent many nights as a teen sneaking out of her upstairs bedroom to hang out with friends – developing some questionable habits, like smoking cigarettes, but also being introduced to her first and second loves: the music of Elvis Presley and DANCING!

For her last two years of high school, Walt and Lu moved the family to Watertown, SD, and Joan was in full rebellious mode.  She squeaked by graduation and took off with a friend to find her fortune.  Joan and her dear friend, also a Joan, enlisted in the Army and became WACs.  There are some interesting stories floating around about a sweetheart and ditching work because of a fear of working underground…waaaaay underground…and taking off without permission when you are in the Army has some pretty big ramifications!  Luckily, she was quietly, amicably discharged from the WACs and Joan looked to an alternate career.

Joan was now living back in Watertown, it's 1966 and she is studying to be a dental technician.  On the side, she worked as a waitress at a café and was known around those parts as…Kitty!   One of her frequent and favorite customers ended up being the person who would change her life forever, her soon-to-be husband, Dennis Mahlen.  Joan and Dennis were married in 1967, had us two kids, and lived in a suburb of Minneapolis where we all had fun adventures being a young family in the city.

Then there was the big move in 1976 to Webster, SD, where Dennis and Joan bought a tire store, and Joan found her people and explored her love of arts and crafts – and not just for the fun of it all but in a big, BIG way!  She took a class at the community center and discovered she had a real talent – every article of her clothing and nearly every piece of furniture downstairs in our house would never be the same!  She would paint on anything and everything – from saws and oil cans to actual canvas and wooden pieces, to restored trunks and cream cans…oh and Christmas ornaments, toilet seats, car mufflers…and cars, her two trikes (this comes later), and an actual sleigh… and …well, the list goes on and on!  She also sewed prolifically – we are pretty sure all our clothing (including underwear) was homemade by Joan until we were 6 or 7!  And she could cook!  She loved baking bread, making lefse, goulash, pork chops and mashed potatoes – she even made lutefisk for Christmas most years (blech – but the Norwegians loved it!).  But her specialties were breakfast and sweets.  Her pancakes and chocolate chip cookies were legendary at Webster Public School, and our friends never missed an opportunity to stay with us or hang out after school for the tasty treats.

Joan and Dennis went in different directions once both us kids were off to college and what not, and Joan moved herself out to Rapid City, SD, in 1993 to be closer to her Aunt Grace.  Here she discovered her next heartthrob – TRIKES.  Building trikes, riding trikes, and of course, painting on her trikes.  "Penelope" was her converted Corvair engine, 3-wheeled trike that she built from the ground up – or engine out, or however it goes – with the help of friends she met in Rapid.  She also built and sold a "show trike" she dubbed "Le Rose"; it showcased a pearly white exterior with Joan's signature red roses painted on it.  And although these were some of Joan's best times – often referred to even in her deepest dementia states – these were also some of the most troubling times for her.  Moving to Las Vegas in 2003 to be closer to Keith's family and attending lots of AA meetings was the answer that saved her.  Ultimately, Joan made it back to the Midwest, living her final years in Fargo closer to us kids and her grandchildren, despite the too-short summers and waaaaay too-long winters.

Joan is survived by her son Steve and grandson Jacob, by her daughter Nancy, son-in-law Ben and grandson Caleb, by her ex-husband Dennis, by her niece Teri, her niece Penny, nephew-in-law Brian, grandniece Chariane, grandnephews Brandon, Brad, Brady, Alec (A.J.), and Carter. Joan was preceded in death by her brother Keith and niece Renee.

It has been said that we are ultimately the sum of all our experiences and choices, that these are what makes us who we are.  Joan was a complex person with her own challenges and demons, but it was her choice to show kindness, care for others, and love that made her an amazing person.  She always had time to teach one more person to paint.  To dote on one more kitty or puppy.  To knit one more scarf or make one more quilt for a veteran.  She will truly be missed by all those who enjoyed the benefit of her smile, her dancing jig, and her sing-song voice saying, "Hi-hi, who wants to boogie?!!"

A remembrance service is being planned for June 7, 2025, in Webster, S.D.  More details will be available soon. In lieu of flowers, please consider donating to one of Joan's favorite charities Wounded Warrior Project www.woundedwarriorproject.org or Greater Good www.greatergood.org